It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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