have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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