Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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