and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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