Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
