I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
