so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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