i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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