This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
