1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
