Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I believe in your delicious
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
