I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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