it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
