Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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