you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
