you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
