I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
