So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
