If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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