You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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