Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
