you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
