I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
