It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
