dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You can't just leave with hair like that
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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