Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Bring me that man meat
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
