I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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