I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
