Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I AM VODKA MAN
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
