Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
