dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
