I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
