We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
