please come you make the beer taste better
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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