I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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