How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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