It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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