Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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