He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
did i just pee glitter
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
