Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
