stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
