??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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