I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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