he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My bed smells like the plague
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