she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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