but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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