arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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