it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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