She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
