He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
