college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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