I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
