now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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