I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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