just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
