I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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